Tracy Tresidder

7 Steps To Talk To Your Kids So They Will Listen



Posted: Tuesday, August 23, 2011

by Tracy Tresidder
Coaching 4 Teenagers

Let's begin with some basic biology. Boy's brains are wired slightly differently to girl's brains.

Within a girl's brain, a lot more sharing goes on between the right and left hemispheres. This means that emotions registering on one side of the brain are partially processed on the other side where logic, reasoning and language are centered. In a boy's brain, however, there is less connection and thus less back and forth between the two hemispheres. Emotion and language lie on either side of a divide. Boy's can sometimes take hours to process emotively and often not fully until they are in their late teens.

Here is a list of tried and true techniques to get them to open up:

  1. Pick the right moment - at night when they have gone to bed, go up and sit on their bed and ask them "what was challenging about their day"
  2. Breathe - take a couple of deep breaths before you think of speaking
  3. Don't take it personally - it's usually not about you and if you take it personally you will get defensive and bite back
  4. Listen with your lips shut - don't give advice or lecture, simply listen
  5. Don't be judgmental - this will kill the connection and the conversation
  6. Start a conversation while in the car - no eye contact can often help with boys
  7. Give them time - it may take a few days for them to pluck up the courage to get it off their chest
What about girls? Well pretty much the same tips apply; however, the mother-daughter relationship can be very intense. Teenage girls want both their freedom from and their connection to their mothers, but they are just not sure how to navigate the terrain and as a result give a lot of mixed messages. Mother's will do best if they learn to stay close while also giving their daughters the space in which to claim their independence.

Action Step:

Always ask yourself the question: "Is what I am about to say or do going to bring them closer to me or push them further away?"
Tracy Tresidder MEd, PCC is an ICF professionally certified coach. She was named the ICF 2009 Coach of the Year (NSW). Tracy specialises in working with parents and teens. Parents - learn how to assist your children to build lives of confidence, courage and compassion. Discover the seven simple steps to create a mutually loving and respectful relationship with your teenager. Go to http://www.coaching4teenagers.com.au to see the programs that are available now. Tracy is also the Director of Professional Standards for ICF Australasia, an ICF Assessor and Mentor Coach. Visit the website to see more of what she has to offer. http://www.tracytresidder.com Tracy Tresidder; Website

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